slate advice column care and feeding02 Apr slate advice column care and feeding
Ive successfully raised two kids of my ownI know how to take proper care of a baby. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. We met, got married, and live in her hometown. Let him cry, let him yell, let him say that he hates you and this decisionbecause it all comes with the package of a small human expressing his displeasure. Here's the lowdown Well-intentioned friends make comments like, Wow! My husband thinks itd be cute, I have heard testimony from (perhaps overdramatic) identical twins telling me being named Anna and Hannah ruined their lives. Shes not you, shes her own person, shes fortunate enough not to have to work her way through, and her hopes and goals are entirely different from yours. Including the parenting and rules I have for her children. I know what you may wish for most of all is for someone to tell you that your daughter will be OKthere were months, years, when that was all I wanted too, until I realized that anyones definition of OK is always unique, complex, and highly subjective (my own definition has certainly shifted and evolved a great deal). My opinion is that you shouldnt police the behavior of people being kind to your child. ao tw Howtobuild a land drain. She has been accepted at four universities and has it narrowed down to two. Al, from Monroe, Connecticut "I'm a single dad to three boys, and I have been alone with them for seven years. My son is 20 and applying for internships for the summer. I know that you love your daughter, and that as she grows youll delight in and be proud of her for reasons you cant even imagine yet. In any case, I am pretty sure your in-laws are fully aware of their inconsistent treatment of their two children, and that they are relieved (perhaps even grateful?) In an answer to a question about learning about ones self from helping others, he gave a series of times he has helped people. Ive tried incentives, but he was never reward-oriented. But when Daisy asks me why she should continue to try to have a relationship with this awful woman, I just want to tell her to stay far away from her. All rights reserved. SOLD FEB 15, 2023. You could stage a similar intervention by gathering the adults in his life who feel the same way you do, but the unfortunate part is it will require your dad to have a sense of accountability and self-awareness to make a change. Photo by SvetaOrlova/iStock/Getty Images Plus. I asked my daughter to follow two rules while here: Not to bring home endless guests, and that she not get pregnant while living here. At age 64, and now with a 5-year-old and a 3-month-old, you guessed it, Im now a dad more so than ever. Have a question for Care and Feeding? When we spend so much of our time online, we're bound to learn something while clicking and scrolling . I dont think she has a chance of making this team. Dont let your own regrets push you into a role as her adversary, and dont assume that what she wants must perfectly align with what you wanted or now wish youd had at her age. Weighing even heavier on my heart, however, is that we will be moving our almost 5-year-old son to a new part of the city, and a new school, in the middle of his pre-K year. I assured her wed be fine and sent them on their way. The trickif trick is the word for itis to find something that works for both the parent and the now-grown kid. "The other portals are of ebony. I cant and wont live their lives for them, but they are my children, and I cant stand idly by while they live in a situation that I truly believe is hazardous to their health and which given his background and her struggles they seem unable to address. We have tried instilling the fact that her inside beauty is more important than the outside. Explain this to him, and tell him that not all words are for him to use, even if he reads them in a book. Additionally, you should enlist a friend or family member to stand by your side when you talk to him in person so you have that extra support. The babys mother was anxious about leaving him for an evening. that your husband has youand your family, it sounds likewhile they continue to take care of their troubled adult daughter. They have insurance so the basement restoration will happen. If you missed Tuesdays Care and Feeding column, read it here. Yes, theres a strong chance that your son will be upset at first, but if hes as outgoing as you say he is, then its highly likely he will make new friends fairly quickly. When they got home, they were apologetic that he hadnt gone to sleep the way he usually does by that time, and I said he was probably a little hungry because he had only had half of his first bottle and hadnt taken the second. He LOVES his class and his teacher, and he has so many friends in the neighborhood. I apologize for second-guessingI am, after all, an outsider!but everything you report is something youve been told by a 14-year-old; youve reported nothing youve observed directly. Photo illustration by Slate. Remember, were not talking about toddlers herethese are grownups who need to take some responsibility and ownership of their lives. Photo illustration by Slate. At the young age of four, she can be downright stunning. then you should take the requisite steps to get him the help he needs. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? Id suggest family therapy if I had any faith it would work, but Im sure at this point they just need to burn the relationship down and start over. Hopefully that will be the case with your dad as well. This is the time when you should travel, engage in hobbies, chill out, or do whatever the heck your heart desires as you enter the latter stages of life. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. It happens to the best of us at that age (and a month isnt so long! Today its gloves; next month it could be snap-shut purses. Ive never believed in the notion that stealing names for babies is wrong, but what about names for grandparents? My son recently received an award at work, which was presented at a dinner. Is it inappropriate of me to take her to Morgans funeral as a learning experience? Ill wait. In the meantime, I wouldnt mention anything about her sexuality unless she opens up to you. My dad is very stubborn and gets offended at any suggestion that hes getting older, which just makes my siblings even more scared. Her mom and I have been divorced for 10 years and her mom believes whatever my daughter wants, she should get. Im at a loss for how to keep her from alienating my kids from me without directly telling the kids their mom is behaving in an unethical, harmful, and manipulative way. Nicole Cliffe is a freelance writer who pens Slate's parenting advice column, "Care and Feeding," and was the co-founder of the now-defunct site The Toast. My home situation is a little unconventional because I allowed my 35-year-old daughter and then 2-year-old granddaughter come live with me. Not to use a popular buzz phrase, but your role in this is to provide psychological safety and reassure him that everything will be OK, because it will be. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. 2,018 Sq. Her life will be just fine if being called beautiful is her biggest problem. You are within your rights to help your kid find books thatll be good for him right now; you arent going to be monitoring his reading forever. I Despise My In-Laws. From now on Nelson's Column only existed in his mind. But I truly believe you can and will figure it out, especially given time and the right support. I have given this advice before to others: I would give your daughter three to six months to find a job and a place to stay, or else youll have to throw them out. Thank you in advance. Photo by lisafx/iStock/Getty Images Plus. You would never forgive yourself if you ignored the warning signs. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. I will tell you that if I were your 35-year-old and Id said, Ive got to go now or Ill be late for work, but Ill call you this weekend, OK? and you said, No, lets just wait until I call you in two weeks, I would have been hurt. I am a working mother of three amazing kids. I can be too much too, so my heart goes out to you. 2.5 Baths. Though Im sure youve given this some thought, let me remind you that you can take your ex to court to try and force her into mediation. I turned my life around and have been sober for over six years, but will he do whatever it takes to improve his health? Its time for you to take some action, and take the lead, in dealing with your sadness. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. ), is just an impossible, unsustainable situation for your kid. I Despise My In-Laws. I told them that they didnt have to worry about that, because even though hes getting older its no more unlikely that he would suddenly die sometime in the next 10 years, but they can see that dads health is declining and this does not comfort them. How can I comfort my siblings when Im as scared as they are? For our sons second birthday, he got $200.) WhichI am just guessing heremight also be the case. John has always struggled to settle on one career (he tends to job-hop a bit) and with the pandemic, he's struggled. On a handful of occasions, I have been her target, something she has never acknowledged or apologized for. She got pregnant, so I swallowed my pride and wholeheartedly accepted Teddy into our now four-person abode. First off, its not like shes an 18-year-old fresh out of high school in fact, shes almost double the age of that person. A wave of claustrophobia closed in on him. I have a large family. Discuss this column in theSlate Parenting Facebook group! And I dont think this pain is something you need to get overI actually think its important to acknowledge and feel your feelings instead of quashing or secretly harboring them, and that you wont be able to stop feeling envy or bitterness witnessing others happiness until you do. Or dinosaurs. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. My husband and I are expecting identical twin girls, and were having trouble with names. ), But keep in mind that your mother may be touchedpleasedrather than upset by your mother-in-laws enthusiastic embrace of this honorific. Dear Care and Feeding, My daughter is beautiful. Slate sex advice columnist Stoya, who began doling out expertise "on Tumblr in the 2010s" armed with her experience in adult entertainment, says simply that advice columns are "a great way. Sometimes, this is great (hes really into Raina Telgemeier). I am currently 23. Photo illustration by Slate. Your house, your kids, your rulesyour MIL can treat all your children with basic decency, or she shouldnt be sharing a roof with them. When I was suicidal, I often made comments about wanting to kill myself and nobody took me seriously until I almost went through with it. I Played a Card Game With My Fianc to See Who Does the Most Housework. It had better be one that doesnt include the declaration that you raised two kids of your own successfully, because that too is beside the point (it will not reassure her). Im sure many of the readers of this column have beautiful daughters. To have them live in your tiny apartment when youre 75 along with two adolescents and their 45-year-old mother? 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